Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize