Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
