What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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