What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
