I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
