My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she told me i tasted like america
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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