ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
