Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize