There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
