No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
