Having a random hookup so left but love u
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
