i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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