I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
