Have you finally orgasmed yet?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You pole danced in your parka.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize