its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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