I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
