"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my sisters under your porch take her home
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
