I want to make a zoo with you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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