It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
