I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
