i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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