man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize