If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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