Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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