i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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