i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
