You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
