I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
