I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
