You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
