Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
