I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
