I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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