Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
