she looked like the bat from fern gully.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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