maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
