I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
