it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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