Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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