I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
