Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize