New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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