Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
