Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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