We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
