i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
