You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
