thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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