i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
