i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
