Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize