Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
