you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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