dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
