I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
