I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
