i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
