piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Randomize