I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
