wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
