i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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