My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
