she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
