By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
