I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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