Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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