I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
