You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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