bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize