Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
