oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This girl is more easily done than said...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I want her autograph on my taint
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
