I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
