So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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