ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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