I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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