Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
