and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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