I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
