I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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