Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
