i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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