1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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