New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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