ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
