He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
