do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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