Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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