No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
