Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
