I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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