You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
