If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
