I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
