Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
