mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize