Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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