how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
