Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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