Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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