Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
