i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
