I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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