can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
