It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
