Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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