I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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